...What Did You Say?

As I walked down the street today, I passed a young lady who was carrying some shopping bags.  She was white.  On the opposite side of the walk, there were two men, walking the opposite direction.  One of them yelled to the woman who had just passed me by: "Hey, white girl!", and kept repeating versions of this greeting.  I turned to watch the woman walk away, ignoring them, and I saw the men waving their arms at her and making kissing noises.  The men were Dominican.  Had I screamed, "Hey, Dominicans!" at the men across the street, as I wanted to, this would have made me look like an asshole.

My love for yelling observations is huge.  I like greeting things that are really, really obvious.  It really makes me happy: "Greetings pigeon!  Hello small man wearing the tiny hat!  Good afternoon very large rat sitting inside the cheetos bag!"  I enjoy obvious greetings.  By these examples, I should have really loved "Hey, White Girl!" as the possible best thing I'd heard all day.  I mean, she was white.  Hello.  Specificity is important.  They taught us that in school.

I failed to mention above that the more the woman ignored the men the more insistent, and more graphic they became.  This is not the first time I've seen this happen, regardless of who's yelling and at whom they're yelling.  I've never yelled at a woman before.  I notice women every day, but I don't yell at them.  My mother would have definitely disapproved.  The pigeons and the small men and the rats in cheetos bags don't usually respond to my greetings either.  It's an understood that I am just acknowledging their existence.  I'm specific, but I'm not really endearing.

I mean maybe that's exactly what men are doing.  Other than being pigs, they're acknowledging a beautiful woman's existence in the only way they know how.  They tell it like it is.  It's a nice thing to do.  Maybe women need to be reminded how beautiful they are all the time and that's why men are usually so obvious about it.  Maybe if women were more confident, men wouldn't yell at them so much.  Wait...no, no the more confident a woman is the more men yell at them.  Beautiful women give men tourretts.  We get short-circuited.  It happens.

Men: when next you are out and you wish to acknowledge something you enjoy or even find attractive, like a beautiful woman of any particular color or build maybe try "good morning" or "How do you do?".  I would suggest this, rather than naming ethnicities across the street.  If the feeling rises, why not try "Hey, Accountant!" or "Hey, Front Desk Manager!"  This will break the ice in your favor.  If you don't seem to be garnering a response, why not add on small bits of information, like: "Hey, horn-rimmed glasses Accountant lady with the kickin' boots" or "Hey, Front Desk Manager of the company with the shiny windows and the free candy bowl!".  See?  There are variations to employ.

Good Luck,
~ Bernard